I’ve never done this before, I mean posted a story on here. My editing process with Kissing Katie is taking much longer than I expected and the truth of the matter is I’m very unhappy with not writing. I won’t write a whole new Falling book, but, god I miss Teagan. I’ll be posting her story here, when the mood takes me. I hope you guys aren’t too saddened by what you read, but you know what Teagan is like…
He shifted beside me so I willed my eyes to open and for lucidity to come, immediately wishing for the calming blackness that sleep provides to return. I watched the muscles of his smooth pale back contract and release as he sat on the edge of the bed.
I wanted to groan as the memories of the previous nights antics began to trickle into my brain like water being added to potassium to create a fulmination. But, to do so would have alerted him to my conscious state.
I knew the evidence of what I’d done would be there if I wanted to grace it with my eyes. But, I didn’t need to, because I knew. To relive the words over again would merely serve up a dish of further melancholy.
The overwhelming pain in my chest delivered a message that I didn’t want to receive…I’d fucked up again. Pain, not a new thing to me, but this wasn’t a physical thing. The chest pain wasn’t the side effect of a heart attack. How could it be? But, even vampires aren’t immune to the agony that pure emotion produces.
Bartholomew rose and I closed my eyes in response. He may have looked down on me, considering me still to be sleeping, but I rarely looked back at him these days.
I can’t distinguish where along the line our paths forked. I’d always viewed him with an epic admiration. He’d been my deity for the past ten years. The man I adored, respected, and loved above all else.
He’d saved me from myself and showered me with a love so hard that I took the steps away from the path of self-destruction. He made what should have been an exigent journey, effortless. Perhaps, that’s why I edged my way back to the path with a similar ease. Because, to value something you must slave for it.
We’d frolicked through my personal version of the resplendent Garden of Eden. He’d held my hand so tightly. Only I’d prized his fingers away, now I stood beneath the apple tree gazing up with an unfathomable starvation.
“Are you getting up, Teagan?” His softly spoken question was laced with a despondency that I knew I had created with my excessive behaviour.
“Yes. Just give me a moment to think,” I said, keeping my eyes closed to the world both metaphorically and literally speaking.
After savouring a few more moments of numbing blackness my eyes opened followed by that familiar empty feeling resting heavy in the pit of my stomach. It couldn’t have been mistaken for hunger. I’d fed well the previous night on wine-drenched blood after generously sharing the bottles with my victim. No, this emptiness smacked of despair.
I traipsed downstairs, knowing that I must try to think clearly and sit at the head of The Assembly with my husband for the trial of a reckless vampire. What a bittersweet taste, judging and condemning a creature for actions that I myself took on an ever-increasing basis. I almost wanted to laugh, but the release of it didn’t feel appropriate for someone that still possessed an ounce of humanity, albeit well disguised.
“Do you wish to discuss last night?”
I raised a brow. “Why? I don’t recall any specific event.”
He pursed his lips, lowered his head and gazed up at me through hooded lids. “I thought not. You stumbled to bed, your movements uncontrollable with drink. You clawed at your face and expressed your desire to be able to cry. What happened?”
I lowered my head and fisted a hand in my fiery red hair. I recalled precisely the reason I desired to submit to such a human response to pain.
My minds eye tortured me with that apple hanging mercilessly just beyond my grasp.
I untangled my fingers from my hair and straightened my spine for I knew I displayed a reproach in my actions that I couldn’t allow him to see.
“I have no idea, love,” I said with a half decent attempt at nonchalance and offered him a tight smile.
There was no point of dwelling on what had been communicated. It was simply why I continually chose the cataclysmic option over sweet enjoyment that perturbed me. To set myself apart from the entity that I so desired? To alienate myself? I guessed that was the case.
But every night when I awoke to the glint of the moon on my empty wine glass, I experienced nothing short of regret and self-disgust. I think I knew when it started that such an incredible creature would eventually tire of my pernicious drunken debauchery.
Bartholomew beckoned me with his movements toward the door. I followed mindlessly, my brain cemented on the woodsy scent of that tree and the single delicious apple, radiantly flecked with sunshine dangling from its wholesome branches.
I briefly glanced at his face as we travelled to The Assembly’s headquarters, nothing, I felt nothing. We were tied merely by bond and duty. Although that apple seemed no closer to being in my hand, I hoped that as the night drew in that it still wished for me to devour it.
Later, when I raised and sent that gavel crashing down onto the block and sentenced the haphazard vampire to death by absinthe, I decided in that very moment that I had to change or risk breaking the branches of that exquisite tree.