It’s been a long long time since my last post. Please accept my apologies and know that I’ve been putting my time to good use.
I come to you today and ask that you consider what I say. I’d firstly like to begin with a disclaimer to say that I am writing this post in my own words. I have not written this post because anyone has asked me to. These words are my own except for where I have quoted statistics, which I will reference appropriately. Secondly, if you have issue with what I have to say then please contact me via the contact section of this page where I will provide an address for you to send your expensive solicitors letter to. When I receive it, I will laugh heartily and rip it up.
COME ON NOW LADIES!
Six years ago I married a man that had two children. I met him around seven years after he’d separated from and divorced his wife, I wasn’t involved in the break down of their relationship.
I was called every name under the sun by that woman, accused of having sex in front of her children…all sorts of things that couldn’t be called fun at all.
She attributed to the breakdown of the relationship I had with my mother and sister-in-law because they always stood up for her. Mainly, they were terrified because she continually threatened them with not being able to see the children. I begged them to take a stand, but they didn’t listen. I watched my husband cry with sadness and exasperation on countless occasions. I watched as relations worsened over the years.
Our marriage has been undoubtedly affected by these events, and I put measures in place to ensure it could no longer happen. I refused to visit the city they live in. Not at all. I haven’t been there for years and I simply never will. I have also stopped seeing the children.
I’m writing today as I watch another drama unfold. A man that I know has been stopped from seeing his children. He decided he no longer loved his partner. He’d grown tired of subjecting his young children to relentless arguing. He left his home with a computer and some clothes. The rest was left and subsequently sold by her.
The first tricks started as she made arrangements for him to see the children, she’d call last minute and request his immediate presence or he wouldn’t be able to see them. Once he came down with a severe sickness and diarrhoea bug. He notified her immediately that he wouldn’t be able to have the children. He was bombarded by messages asking where he was, of course he was puzzled by this as he’d informed her. That was until the transcript of messages was provided to the court with his original massage removed in a feat to display his unreliability.
Another letter provided to the court was written by the children’s pre-school. I accidentally caught sight of the letter and it caused me to have grave concern. I am a healthcare professional and therefore I’m aware of the safeguarding rules that effect settings in the UK. No times, dates or reference to witnesses were provided, just a letter stating they felt intimidated by him and some behaviour he’d displayed in front of staff that I felt, having known the person for all of their lives, was wholly exaggerated for the purposes of the letter. They also stated that they had never mentioned his behaviour before because they felt intimidated by him. What the hell? If someone acts in an aggressive manner towards staff and/or children you report it immediately through the appropriate channels, if you don’t you’re acting illegally/irresponsibly, plain and simple. Of course, I went to OFSTED and reported this to them. I didn’t do that for any other reason than thae fact I had seen this letter and knew what had happened was fundamentally wrong whether the contents were true or not.
The woman (mother of the children) knew it was me that had made a complaint and wrote a status on Facebook which was seen by a friend of mine, insinuating that I should feel “silly” because they had received a good OFSTED report in retrospect. I hate to have to rain on their parade but that setting will still have a marked complaint against them regardless of the report, which will in turn effect their uptake. Rightfully so, I may add. Also, well, anyone can ‘cook’ the books. It’s meaningless to me, accept for the fact that perhaps they will think twice before affecting someone else’s parental rights in the future. I hope that the setting has received a lesson learned.
Moving on…no, thats not all, unfortunately. My friend was almost killed in a horrific accident around eighteen months ago. He has suffered re-entry into surgery for these injuries. He attended hospital for surgery in November 2013. Unfortunately, the surgery was unsuccessful on many occasions and he was kept in hospital for a longer period than was originally planned. He contacted the court and notified them that he would be unable to attend the contact hearing due to him being in hospital. However, this was never acknowledged at the time of the hearing. His ex-partner knew of the circumstance as she had threatened him on the telephone that she would kill herself and the children (this was not the first instance). He immediately left the hospital and attended the residence despite medical advice. A sign of a bad father, I’m sure? Yeah, right.
He was assigned with a no contact order and ordered to pay costs because he didn’t arrive in court. His ex-partner played dumb despite knowing full well where he was. Due to the fact he was served with a no contact order, the mother changed the children’s surname’s into her own. Not only that, she changed their middle names from a highly respected and devastatingly lost family middle name. Utterly disgusting and clearly done to inspire annoyance from our family.
She then progressed this into a no contact order. Period. The estranged couple had agreed on a ‘go-between’ person during the no-contact order, this then progressed. So when my relative contacted the ‘go-between’ person to ask what his children would like for christmas he was contacted by police to notify him that he was in breech of his court order.
Both of his children were born in December, plus it was christmas. He is unable, by court order to even send a card or gift to his kids.
If you’re a mother, your partner has cheated on you. Lied to you even. Maybe they just fell out of love with you? Ask yourself, has he been a good dad? I know you hurt and things didn’t pan out the way you wanted or expected. I know their are times where fathers don’t deserve to see their children for whatever reason. I’m not doing that down.
But ask yourself:
Does a man that teaches his mute autistic child to sign not deserve to see his child?
Does a man that can’t sleep because his neonatal baby isn’t with him, so he sits all night with him at hospital doesn’t deserve to see his child?
Does a man who worked whilst his partner stayed at home from day one of pregnancy one and provided finances to ensure good survival not deserve to see his kids?
Does a man who returned home and put his job in jeopardy due to requests from his partner having a hard time with the kids not deserve to see his kids?
Tell me. Tell me if I’m wrong? Not all cases are the same.
I am horrified that the laws of this country allows circumstances like this to occur. I’ve already said and understood that some dad’s are deadbeat, they don’t want to see their kids. Disgusting.
I know their are those that are violent mentally and physically.
However, apart from the above reasons, you have no reason to behave in such a despicable way.
Google the consequences and pity those who have no choice of having a father in their kids lives. Get a grip of your hate and need for control. Move on. Live.
“Daddy doesn’t love you anymore” – “Daddy doesn’t love me anymore.”